The place of parents: raising our children during the Covid crisis and the cost of living

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re probably feeling the hangover of post-pandemic life, complete with that unwanted side effect of rising living costs. nib New Zealand’s (nib) fourth annual State of the Nation Parenting Survey has just released its latest findings, highlighting the major concerns affecting New Zealand parents right now.

The report shows that whānau are struggling with overwhelming increases in societal and household pressures compared to four years ago. It’s no surprise given that mortgage rates are up to double what they were last year and inflation is at 7.2%. From pain at the pump and paying for groceries, to work stress and covering sick staff, all while dealing with the mental health impact of Covid (for us and our children), it’s fair to say there’s a lot to deal with at the moment. Living under a rock actually sounds pretty appealing, come to think of it!

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The usual stressors of family life are exacerbated today, with 62% of New Zealand parents saying the rising cost of living is significantly affecting their quality of parenting. The State of the Nation Parenting Survey shows that family and household management is the biggest source of stress, with financial pressures or mounting debt contributing significantly to this burden. Six in 10 parents say the rising cost of living has affected how they raise their children, and one in 10 parents or carers don’t have essentials such as food or gas to make sure their children have enough.

You’re not alone

When you’re having a hard time, it can help to know you’re not alone. Most people feel the pinch and are juggling multiple life stressors.

It can also help to be reminded by experts that you and your children are resilient and will be fine. Cast your mind back over the past few years and you’ll probably be amazed at what you’ve been through and how you’ve gotten through it together. All those months of working from home or not having a job at all; to homeschool or not to homeschool… It was hard. Yet here you are!

Get serious about self-care and support

At the risk of sounding all doom and gloom, the reality is that 2023 is not looking to provide the economic assurance we need right now. So prioritizing self-care, mental health and support is essential to maintaining our reserves and ensuring we can best care for our family during this difficult time.

Nathan Wallis, nib’s resident parenting expert, says the year-on-year difference to the 2021 survey is stark. “The effects of a post-Covid world, the tightrope walk balancing work and home life and the rising cost of living are colliding to create the perfect storm for parents,” says Nathan. “In these circumstances, focusing on wellbeing and finding ways to access support becomes really important.”

Nathan says, “In times of high stress, it can help to pull things back immediately and focus on the simple things, things that give us a low-key dopamine hit and help keep us centered and organized.”

Nathan suggests four ways to give yourself and your whānau a simple but strategic boost:

1. Leverage predictability

Use rituals and routines to break your day into predictable sections and create order when things seem a little chaotic. This can be as simple as having breakfast, lunch and tea together at set times at the table. Predictability in a child’s day really helps keep their brain calm and happier.

2. Breathe

Maybe when you’re feeling overwhelmed and the kids add to the noise, you take a short walk outside to the mailbox for some fresh air. Take a few deep breaths and enjoy your feel-good hormones to help you get back home.

3. Shake off stress

Dance to loud stereo and show the kids your dance moves. The feel-good factor just from moving – and your kids’ brains will be flooded with feel-good hormones as they roll around on the floor laughing at how “not smooth” your dance moves are!

4. Kid-led games for young and old

Providing children with child-led playtimes where the adult/caregiver must follow the child’s cues and instructions helps alleviate stress in both young and old. The key is to let your child lead and be in charge, which can be hard! As well as creating hilarious memories, playing together like this strengthens the relational bond and it’s these connections and relationships with whānau and loved ones that really release the most feel-good hormones (like oxytocin and dopamine) into our systems. This in turn helps mitigate the effects of the surge in stress hormones that parents face post-Covid.

So while it may seem random to take a walk to the letterbox or spend some time playing ‘Daddy Robot’ or ‘Grannies’ (we see you Bandit Heeler, raising the bar so inspiringly), the simple good vibes that -I experience as a result of fresh air, fun and whānau connection is truly our most powerful weapon in the fight against stress.