The holiday season is upon us, and what better way to celebrate than to see Santa slip several pool balls into a Christmas stocking, swing them menacingly in the air, and watch him cave in someone’s face?
So is Violent Night, a movie that clearly no one wanted, but somehow works nicely as a follow-up to the tacky sentimentality of this time of year. It’s billed as an “alternative Christmas action comedy” and may be a litmus test of who your true tribe is: if you think it’s funny to see Santa trying to strangle a guy with Christmas lights, this is the movie for you.
Directed by Tommy Wirkola, “Violent Night” took the season’s naughty or nice dichotomy to heart, delivering pounds of gore and wounds that spurt mini-fountains of blood, along with the toothache sweetness about believing in Santa Claus and the true meaning of of Christmas. .
It’s easy to initially dismiss it as an “SNL” digital short that stood on its own, but there’s a kind of perverse joy in watching Santa suck the tip of a candy cane until it’s a sharp shard and then plunge into a bad guy’s throat. Isn’t it time for Kris Kringle as a sociopath?
Few people can balance all these demands like Santa Claus, except for David Harbour, who specialized in teddy bears who are grumpy on the outside and sweet on the inside. This time, with his beard soaked in blood, he must save an ultra-rich family from a murderous group of home invaders with automatic weapons and military training.
On his part: “Christmas magic,” which he reveals more than once that he doesn’t understand, and which allows the screenwriters—Pat Casey and Josh Miller—a logical loophole the size of a yuletide. They even gave Santa an origin story of a centuries-old Viking raider with a penchant for crushing skulls with a hammer. He’d be on the naughty list, of course.
We initially meet Santa in the present day at an English pub. It’s Christmas Eve and it’s knocking. There are other men dressed as Santa tonight, but they’re just pretenders like “Bad Santa.” He is the real one.
Tonight, Santa Claus is tired and fed up. Kids these days just ask for more and more gifts – just dirty consumers. He even calls them junkies. “I forgot why I started doing it,” he says. “Maybe this is my last year.”
During his rounds, he happens to linger too long at the Lightstone family compound in Connecticut. A ruthless gang has just swooped in, hoping to relieve the family of $300 million and catch Santa with nothing more than his magical gift bag and a pent-up desire to hurt people.
John Leguizamo, so often the comedic relief in movies, here is as heavy as can be, an anti-Christmas lunatic who tortures with a nutcracker and gets some of the best over-the-top lines like “Christmas dies tonight” and “Time” . to kill Santa.” The film soon moves into “Die Hard” territory as the terrorists play cat and mouse with the good guy inside the building.
Santa connects with one of the hostages—a little girl (Leah Brady, sparkling as an ornament)—who still believes in Santa. “You are more than the gifts you bring,” she tells him. And so he proves that Christmas is indeed alive by systematically killing every bad guy and girl with a sledgehammer, aided by his new friend’s “Home Alone” trap skills and all to a soundtrack of Burl Ives Christmas carols , Bryan Adams and Slade.
This is no Norman Rockwell vision of Santa Claus, of course. His torso is full of tattoos and he stitches his own wounds with Christmas tree ornament hooks. Spill, impale baddies in spiky Christmas decorations and use the sharp parts of a pair of ice skates with surgical precision. Few movies have earned their R rating better. All that’s missing is you as long as you think it’s time to add some blood to Christmas?
“Violent Night,” a Universal Pictures release that opens nationwide in theaters Friday, is rated R for “strong and gory violence, language throughout and some sexual references.” Duration: 112 minutes. Two and a half stars out of four.
___
MPAA definition of R: Restricted. Under 17s require an accompanying parent or adult guardian.
___
Online: https://www.violentnightmovie.com
___
Mark Kennedy is at http://twitter.com/KennedyTwits